Crazy

Today I think I turned just as crazy as my patients. 

One of them, the very worst patient on the unit, mind you, decided to get upset (again) at his program and medications. He is a TBI (traumatic brain injury) patient, which means he has very little impulse control- happy and joking one minute, then blow up the next. 

His mood is just constantly up and down,  

down and up, 

over s i d e w a y s,

and All oveR the place. 

While he was complaining about anything and everything, 

I suddenly wanted to you know what? 

HUG HIM.

H U G 

this patient who constantly causes trouble.

Who can be mean and rude and degrading and just downright nasty.

Who has spit and kicked and punched staff.

Who yells and screams the crudest things.

Who is defiant and thinks he's above the rules. 

Whom I've seen do some disturbing things. 

That is the patient I wanted to hug. 

Despite all that he's done and his poor behavior, I felt bad for him. 

I wanted to hug him, tell him it's ok, that things aren't as bad as they seem, that there's hope. 

Perhaps working in this environment has taught me some things. 

Some valuable and important things. 

How to love someone and see their potential even when they're at their worst. 

How to be patient (VERY patient) and suppress that overwhelming desire to SLAP them and bring them to the senses that they don't possess. 

That's what I realized today. 

Determined

Ok. So I know I REALLY suck at this blogging thing. My new goal is to write a post, at least a line,  EVERY DAY this next month. Ok, so I suck at actually following through with my goals. But my new goal is to actually accomplish the goals I set. Maybe if I write them down somewhere publicly, like here, it will give me some sort of motivation to actually do them? We'll see how well this goes.

So. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Because that's what I do. I think. And occasionally write about it. Here are some of my thoughts and feelings lately. I am:

- Amazed at how intimately involved Heavenly Father is in my life, even down to the smallest details
- Grateful for answers to prayers, tender mercies, miracles, and many blessings I've been reminded of recently
- Determined to give freely, love fully, even without any guarantees. It's a risk worth taking.
- Reminded of the power of vulnerability. It may lead to more heartache, pain, sorrow, and disappointments, but it also leads to more happiness, opportunities, choices, and love.
- Learning that things will always work out, even if I can't see exactly how at the moment. Heavenly Father has a plan for me.
- Happy when I focus on serving others instead of on my own problems.
- Better than I sometimes realize or give myself credit for.
- Trying to love life, count my blessings, and always have the right priorities.
- Impatient, which is probably why I've been given so many experiences to help me learn the virtue called patience. Apparently it's kind of important.
- Going to learn from the past, and live fully in the present so my future can be without regrets.

Lately it's been a bit of a roller coaster ride, but it's also provided many learning opportunities for me. It's reminded me precisely of how much the Lord loves me and is mindful of me. So many times I've been provided with exactly what I needed, even without having asked for it. It is wonderful to be able to recognize the hand of the Lord in my life. Lately I feel like there have been several people who have been answers to my prayers. I'm truly grateful for those people in my life, but at the same time I want to be on the giving end more often. That will be something I need to work on.

Well. I guess I should go to bed or something. It's that time of night where I become increasingly incoherent. Until tomorrow then. If I fail to write a post, slap me. Hard.