Priorities

Today I learned where my priorities truly lie. 

Yesterday summer officially abandoned us. 

Yesterday began the long, cold, dreary, dark winter ahead, with the gloomy skies and pouring rain. 

It rained all day and all night- something I learned to dread. Only because it means flooding in the basement. 

Yes, our basement flooded for the 10889098th time today, but this was by far the worst of them. 

The flood extended all the way into the inner most corner of the room, 3 inches deep.

The worst part? 

My mom discovered it 2 hours after I crawled into bed from a long night at work.

Which of course meant I had to go help haul the bazillion gallons of water out on no sleep and another night shift today. 

50+ buckets of water and 10 hours later (ok, it was more like 1.5 but it felt like 10), 

the basement floor could finally breathe again.

And my next thought? I can't go to work with no sleep. Maybe I should call off...

And thus I realized I valued sleep above all else in life.

Sleep or money? Sleep.

Sleep or having fun? Sleep is fun.

Sleep or food? I can dream about food in my sleep.

Sleep or looking pretty? My beauty sleep makes me pretty.

Sleep or my favorite TV show? My dreams are much more entertaining.

Yes. My sleep is not to be sacrificed. Under no circumstance.

Behind

Wow. I'm behind. Just a little. I suddenly realized it's 2011, not 2010. Seriously? When did that happen? That's weird.

Confessions

I have some confessions to make. I'm hoping I will feel a little lighter after I get these off my chest, since lately I have some weight to lose. Literally. This is my pathetic attempt at getting rid of that extra weight without getting off my butt.

1. I have a bit of an obsession with Baby Gap. I go in there every time I'm at the mall, coveting everything in the store. Sometimes I want to kidnap babies just so I can have a doll to dress up in baby Gap clothes everyday.

2. I'm subscribed to 10 wedding blogs. Ok, it might be more like 30. No, I am not engaged. And yes, I am still single. Hey, it's never too early to start planning your wedding, right? RIGHT?

3. I'm a serious stalker. Seriously. I even stalk people just to see if they're stalking me. It's that bad.

4. I sometimes snort when I laugh really hard. Ok, and maybe when I'm not laughing really hard. Alright, sometimes I snort when I'm not even laughing at all.

5. I have some serious obsessions. Facebook. Blogs. Pinterest. Modern Family. Food. Babies. Twinkling lights. Chocolate. Yes, I do can spend hours upon hours on those every day. Yes, on each individually.

6. I'm slow at getting jokes so sometimes I laugh when I really don't get it. But I've gotten really good at pretending, so you probably won't notice I'm faking it.

7. I never brush my hair. Seriously. I don't think I've brushed it once this entire year.

8. I steal fruit from people's trees. Apricots, apples, grapes, cherries, tomatoes, berries...I'm looking for an avocado tree. Anyone know where I can find one?

9. I'm jealous of pregnant ladies. I just think they're cute, and I want to be cute too, ok?

10. I watch the Bachelor Pad. And I like it. It's an even dumber show than Bachelor and Bachelorette (if that is even possible), but when I'm at work, I get desperate. And the Bachelor Pad is entertaining.

Well, there you go. That should at least be 10 lbs I lost, right?

In my dreams...if only it were that easy. I'd willingly confess my deepest, darkest secrets to the whole world.

Dare You...

to let me be your

ONE AND ONLY

You've been on my mind
I grow fonder every day
Lose myself in time
Just thinking of your face

God only knows
Why it's taken me so long
To let my doubts go
You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared
I've been here before
Every feeling, every word
I've imagined it all
You'll never know, if you never try
To forgive your past, and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be, your
Your one and only
Promise I'm worth it
To hold in your arms

So come on
And give me a chance
To prove I am the one who can
Walk that mile
Until the end starts

If I've been on your mind
You hang on every word I say
Lose yourself in time
At the mention of my name

Will I ever know
How it feels to hold you close
And have you tell me
Whichever road I choose you'll go

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart
I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart (nobody's perfect)
I know it ain't easy (trust me I've learned it)
Giving up your heart (nobody's perfect)

So I dare you to let me be your
Your one and only
I promise I'm worth it
To hold in your arms

So come on
And give me the chance
To prove I am the one who can
Walk that mile
Until the end starts

Crazy

Today I think I turned just as crazy as my patients. 

One of them, the very worst patient on the unit, mind you, decided to get upset (again) at his program and medications. He is a TBI (traumatic brain injury) patient, which means he has very little impulse control- happy and joking one minute, then blow up the next. 

His mood is just constantly up and down,  

down and up, 

over s i d e w a y s,

and All oveR the place. 

While he was complaining about anything and everything, 

I suddenly wanted to you know what? 

HUG HIM.

H U G 

this patient who constantly causes trouble.

Who can be mean and rude and degrading and just downright nasty.

Who has spit and kicked and punched staff.

Who yells and screams the crudest things.

Who is defiant and thinks he's above the rules. 

Whom I've seen do some disturbing things. 

That is the patient I wanted to hug. 

Despite all that he's done and his poor behavior, I felt bad for him. 

I wanted to hug him, tell him it's ok, that things aren't as bad as they seem, that there's hope. 

Perhaps working in this environment has taught me some things. 

Some valuable and important things. 

How to love someone and see their potential even when they're at their worst. 

How to be patient (VERY patient) and suppress that overwhelming desire to SLAP them and bring them to the senses that they don't possess. 

That's what I realized today. 

Determined

Ok. So I know I REALLY suck at this blogging thing. My new goal is to write a post, at least a line,  EVERY DAY this next month. Ok, so I suck at actually following through with my goals. But my new goal is to actually accomplish the goals I set. Maybe if I write them down somewhere publicly, like here, it will give me some sort of motivation to actually do them? We'll see how well this goes.

So. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Because that's what I do. I think. And occasionally write about it. Here are some of my thoughts and feelings lately. I am:

- Amazed at how intimately involved Heavenly Father is in my life, even down to the smallest details
- Grateful for answers to prayers, tender mercies, miracles, and many blessings I've been reminded of recently
- Determined to give freely, love fully, even without any guarantees. It's a risk worth taking.
- Reminded of the power of vulnerability. It may lead to more heartache, pain, sorrow, and disappointments, but it also leads to more happiness, opportunities, choices, and love.
- Learning that things will always work out, even if I can't see exactly how at the moment. Heavenly Father has a plan for me.
- Happy when I focus on serving others instead of on my own problems.
- Better than I sometimes realize or give myself credit for.
- Trying to love life, count my blessings, and always have the right priorities.
- Impatient, which is probably why I've been given so many experiences to help me learn the virtue called patience. Apparently it's kind of important.
- Going to learn from the past, and live fully in the present so my future can be without regrets.

Lately it's been a bit of a roller coaster ride, but it's also provided many learning opportunities for me. It's reminded me precisely of how much the Lord loves me and is mindful of me. So many times I've been provided with exactly what I needed, even without having asked for it. It is wonderful to be able to recognize the hand of the Lord in my life. Lately I feel like there have been several people who have been answers to my prayers. I'm truly grateful for those people in my life, but at the same time I want to be on the giving end more often. That will be something I need to work on.

Well. I guess I should go to bed or something. It's that time of night where I become increasingly incoherent. Until tomorrow then. If I fail to write a post, slap me. Hard.

Today

I tell myself someday...That's my most used word lately. Someday... But I need to stop. Because I need to start making someday today. That's what I need to do. Today...today I will be happy. Today I will love life. MY life. Today I will enjoy time with my family. Today I will learn to become the kind of person I want to become. Today I will start practicing those attributes. Today I will make someone happy. Today I will work on making my dreams come true. Today I will cherish my friends and family. Today I will count my blessings. Today I will remember my priorities. Today I will live life to its fullest. Today...I will love today.

Love and Weddings

It's weird that I'm at the stage in life where more people are getting pregnant and having babies than getting married. I honestly never thought this day would come, but here I am, feeling so incredibly old sometimes! I mean, what is up with that right? I'm only 23 afterall...It should be illegal to feel old at 23, but of course, because I live in Happy Valley Utah, it is only normal to feel old because I'm 23 and still single. I guess I better work harder at finding my lover...

But really, dating just sucks! It sucks. Period. Especially when you go on random dates with random people that you're not even remotely interested in, but you're just going because you were told to and you know you should give these poor guys a chance. I guess if they were rich, it'd be another story.

But I was thinking...why is it so hard to find someone you're both attracted to AND has all the qualities you want in a husband? Now that I think about it, I'm not sure I've EVER dated anyone where they possessed both. That is just a little sad! Either I think they are cute, OR they have the important qualities. But never both. Why is it always either or? I mean, both are kinda important, right? I kinda wanna think my future husband is hot...I mean, it's not like I need a guy that EVERY girl is drooling over, but just someone I'm personally attracted to. Is that really too much to ask? Maybe I'm just shallow...and I know looks don't mean anything in the end, but still. I have been told physical attraction is important, and I guess I never really realized just how important it really is until recently. Someday...I will find someone who meets all of my qualifications. May take a while though, since that list seems to be growing longer the older I get and the more guys I meet. Oh well, I guess. I'm still young. No rush.

I'm Back!

Wow. I'm a bad blogger. Of the very bad variety. Does that even make sense? Probably not. It IS 4:30 am afterall. Don't worry, I'm only up this late (or early, depending how you look at it...) because I'm working a night shift. And really, I have to admit, the only reason I'm even updating this blog is for the sake of something to do on a very long night. Which probably makes me an even worse blogger. But who cares, right? I'm actually updating the world on my very monotonous life! YAY!

Honestly, what can I say about my life? Well, I guess I can give some updates since the last time I wrote on this blog, which was over a year ago (bad bad bad girl!). I have since graduated from nursing school. I have moved back home. I started working at the state psych (or mental, but psych sounds a bit better) hospital. Yes, I work with the crazy people, which probably makes me crazy as well. But hey, really if you think about it, everyone is a bit crazy anyways, which makes me completely normal. Whatever. I know what you're thinking. Anyways, at least it provides lots of interesting/entertaining/scary stories to tell! Which I will have to do another day, sorry to disappoint.

Hmm. What else...Actually, that really is about all that's new in my life. Wow. One year, and that's the only thing I can think of to report?? Yeah. I guess that must be why I stopped updating this blog! Well, I did go on a few vacations...all to California! Wow, I didn't even realize that. LA end of last April and June, and then San Francisco in February. What can I say? I LOVE Cali. I totally think I was meant to be a California girl, but my parents made the horrible mistake of moving to freezing cold still-snowing-in-June Utah instead!! I swear I will not make my children suffer the same fate as me.

Well. I honestly can't think of anything else to ramble about. My long night is almost over at last. Almost time to go home to my dear bed and pillow! Until next time!