When is the grass really greener on the other side? Really? I've learned that most of the time it isn't. I just started my new job a week ago, and seriously, I already miss being jobless. Working sucks. Especially when you don't like your job and you don't know what you're doing (i.e. ME). I oriented a total of 3 times on the floor before I started having my own patients to take care of by myself (almost TWENTY might I add. In the hospital, the most patients I've helped care for was like 5 or 6, so 20 is definitely A LOT especially when I don't know who ANYONE is and I'm trying to keep my brain together just to memorize names).
I'm pretty sure I was clueless about EVERYTHING because the nurses who helped orient me pretty much taught me nothing. And then they throw me out there all by myself. What do they want me to do, kill a patient? Ok, so they didn't throw out there ALL by myself, there were people there to help me, but they had their own patients too so time wasn't exactly a luxury to them either. Both yesterday and today I had no break, no time to even get a drink of water or go to the bathroom, and I stayed after 2 hours to finish everything. That equals working 10 hours running around like a mad woman whose legs are about to fall off. Plus the 2 hours of commuting (it's up in SLC). Plus waking up at 4:30 (since it was daylight savings today, I technically woke up at 3:30. 3:30!!! Who wakes up at 3:30 for work?? On a Sunday??). Yeah, shoot me.
Seriously, I get off work and I just want to crawl in a hole and die. The aides ask me questions and I have no idea what to do. I'm starting to think I should've worked harder and paid more attention in my nursing classes. And today I get yelled at by an aide cuz I asked her to bring a resident some food since I had a billion other things to do. She like freaked out and asked why I couldn't do it and that I'm part of the team and blah blah blah. WELL, if you haven't noticed, I'm NEW, and I haven't even had time to go to the bathroom once, and I haven't gotten a lunch break to eat anything when I'm starving, and I had to stay 2 hours after I was supposed to be off so I could finish everything. At least you have time for a break and to sit down once in a while! Jeez, I wanted to cry afterwards. Not like I wasn't overwhelmed enough. I even apologized to her later cuz I didn't want to be on bad terms and have someone hate me already on my 2nd week of work. Work already sucks enough without someone freaking out at me for asking them to take 5 minutes to help me out.
So no, if you wanted to know, work is not going well at all.
Don't ask me why I went into nursing, because honestly, I have no idea. I got my nurse assistant license back in high school, and I knew I didn't wanna be a nurse. But randomly one day during my freshman year in college, I decided to be a nurse. I must've been out of my mind that day, but ever since I decided to be a nurse, I had no other goal in life but to get into the nursing program at BYU. Now that I'm almost done, I can say that I honestly have not enjoyed nursing school one bit. Not for a single moment. Ok, that's an exaggeration. There might have been one or two times I thought I made the right decision. But for the most part, I disliked clinicals. I disliked working in the hospital. I disliked 12 hour shifts. I disliked following nurses around. It was just a whole lot of disliking. Period. I thought maybe it's not nursing that I disliked. Maybe it was just working in the hospital. Maybe I'd like working somewhere else. Or maybe it was having to follow nurses around and being told what to do. But I decided it's not those reasons. It is the actual job I don't like. Perhaps it's a bit premature to say so, but you'd think I'd have an idea of whether I like nursing or not having gone through millions of hours of clinicals. But then I remember that nurses don't only work in the hospital. They work in ALL different types of places and even different jobs, not just bedside nursing. It is the bedside nursing that I dislike. I could teach, I could work on the administrative side, or business side, or management, or work in a clinic, or a million other places. So maybe I made the right decision afterall and there's no need to despair.
Well, I am done complaining for the day. I think I'm gonna go lay down. My back and feet are screaming at me at the moment.
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