Blessings in Disguise

Why is it that every time I feel like writing a new post on my blog but right after I get on here I lose all desire to blog at all? I'm weird like that I guess, but I am not giving into my temptation this time so I will at least write SOMETHING here. So. Life has gotten much busier since I got a job. I worked a double on Sunday (16 1/2 hours!) and it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. It went by fast because I was so busy all day. BUT you know what I found out when I got my FIRST paycheck? That I'm getting paid almost $4 more than I thought I was getting paid! Score! And to say I was thinking of quitting that job! Yeah right! I'm staying forever! At least until I graduate that is.

I keep complaining about how I don't wanna go to work and how hard it is, but I guess it's really not all that bad once I'm there. I was thinking about how I was so stressed out about not finding a job just a month ago, but see how things have worked out? How silly of me to have worried so much. Didn't I know that things would all work out? It always has, and I know it always will. I was just thinking about how I'm so grateful to have a Heavenly Father who is always watching over me and also that I'm grateful for the challenges I've had in my life that have brought me closer to Him. I have learned that challenges really are blessings in disguise if we will look at them in the right perspective. We can use our trials to draw closer to the Lord and use these experiences to develop the qualities we need in order to become like Him.

It is sad that some people think that Heavenly Father must not love them because He allows all these "bad" things happen to them, but it is precisely because He LOVES us so much that He allows us to suffer sometimes so that we may learn the things that we need to learn from those hard experiences. I know that Heavenly Father doesn't like watching us cry or hurt either, being as perfect as He is, I think that He feels so much more pain at watching His children suffer than we realize. Aren't we lucky to know we have such a Father who loves us so much? When I think about all those people out there who don't believe in God or don't know what He's like, I feel so sad for them. Thinking they only have their own power battle through life rather than being able to rely on a loving Father in Heaven and our Savior must make life SO much harder!

Anyways, life is good. I'm so grateful for my knowledge of the gospel :)

What Did I Get Myself Into?

So. I just got another job today. Now I have 2 jobs. And it's going to be crazy. I'm starting my new job in April and it will be full time, so plus my other job, I'll be working at least 48 hours a week for a month with school. I think I'm going to die. I can't switch to part time until May, so that's why I have to work so many hours. Plus I'm working night shift till 7 on Monday and then I have to go straight to orientation at my new job at 8am till 5. Yes, I am definitely going to die. I don't work well with no sleep! I am so not looking forward to it. But after the month of suffering, I will be able to switch to part time and then I'll be able to pick up however many shifts I want whenever I want. It will be the easiest job too! And I'll get paid even more than what RNs make starting out in the hospital! So really, it's the perfect job. After I get through April that is. But I'll just have to remind myself of ALL THAT MONEY I'll be making and all those shoes I can now afford to buy, then maybe I'll get through it. After having to skimp and save on everything the past 6 months, now I will have an abundance of money! More than I know what to do with! Well, not really. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be hard to think of how I could spend it all, but of course, I am a saver. My bank account is about to get very rich. Yes!

Crazy

So I'm doing my clinicals at the mental hospital right now. I've gotta say it is quite interesting and intriguing to me to interact with these people who are mentally ill. The unit I am on is for men who have criminal charges who were found incompetent and were sent to the hospital to restore competency for their trial or hearing. Some are in for things like stealing, or using illegal drugs, or worst, killing someone.

Although it sounds scary, it really isn't too bad. Surprisingly, most of the patients are very nice and friendly. One older man apparently really likes talking to me, because everytime I go, he comes and finds me and then starts going off about the most random things. He has interesting delusions like how everyone on the unit is gay, or how everyone in UT are druggies and that he needs to get out, or how he's being held hostage in the hospital, or how there are all these conspiracies in the government, or that they are building nuclear power plants on his land, or how there is a Pot plantation up in the mountain. Makes for entertaining conversation, wouldn't you agree?

The first day when we had orientation we had to do this "voices" simulation, where you put on earphones and experience what it's like to hear voices in your head like schizophrenics. That was the most disturbing experience I've ever been through. It was absolutely awful and terrifying, and we only had to listen for 10 minutes. I was seriously disturbed the rest of the day and couldn't get it out of my head. That night I was scared to go to bed.

I don't think I can describe in words how horrible it was! The voices were just so...creepy. Sometimes they tell them to do awful things like hurt themselves or loved ones. Or they tell them all these bad things about themselves like how they are useless and that no one likes them or things like that. I think after doing that simulation, I gained a new respect and compassion for these people who are mentally ill. I truly think that would be the worst kind of illness you could possibly have. How awful would it be to not be able to tell hallucinations or delusions from reality? What you believe IS your reality. Can you imagine living like that and always having people tell you you're crazy and what you believe is false? I can't.

Being in nursing has really helped me appreciate my health. It is awful seeing all these sick people all the time and all the horrible things they have to go through. Appreciate your health and never take it for granted! Take care of your body, because having good health really is one of the greatest blessings you could have.

Guilty Pleasures

Recently (as in the past...2 months) I have been addicted to this You Tube channel of this family who vlogs everyday. I know, I know, it's the dumbest thing to be addicted to, but I can't help it. I have to get my daily dose or I will suffer from insomnia until I appease my addiction. It's this Mormon family with 3 little kids who are living in LA. It is just interesting watching their daily lives and their kids are so stinking cute. Their lives just seem so much more interesting than mine. If I vlogged everyday, I'm sure the only things you'd ever see me do is watch me wake up, brush my teeth, watch You Tube, blog stalk, and the end. My life is that boring. But somehow, the ShayTards (yes, reTarded name, right? And that's what they actually call themselves. Shaytard, Mommytard, Sontard, Princesstard, and Babytard. I know what you're thinking. "You're addicted to a family who calls themselves TARDS?" YES, I am, ok? So what? I like it.) as I was saying....the ShayTards actually have different things to vlog about everyday. Just facinates me. Ok, so the parents are even more obnoxious than the kids (and that really says something since their oldest kid is only 6), but somehow in the process of thinking how ridiculous they are, I became addicted. Where's the sense in that? Don't ask me. They have another channel (Shaycarl) where they make even dumber skit kinda things. They are so riduculously stupid that I can't help but laugh and be entertained. Hey, don't judge my addiction. Maybe after you watch them, you'll be addicted too.

P.S. There is this blog I LOVE to stalk because there is THE CUTEST baby!! Look at her and tell me I'm wrong! I am quite obsessed with her. Please don't tell her parents.

Greener Grass

When is the grass really greener on the other side? Really? I've learned that most of the time it isn't. I just started my new job a week ago, and seriously, I already miss being jobless. Working sucks. Especially when you don't like your job and you don't know what you're doing (i.e. ME). I oriented a total of 3 times on the floor before I started having my own patients to take care of by myself (almost TWENTY might I add. In the hospital, the most patients I've helped care for was like 5 or 6, so 20 is definitely A LOT especially when I don't know who ANYONE is and I'm trying to keep my brain together just to memorize names).

I'm pretty sure I was clueless about EVERYTHING because the nurses who helped orient me pretty much taught me nothing. And then they throw me out there all by myself. What do they want me to do, kill a patient? Ok, so they didn't throw out there ALL by myself, there were people there to help me, but they had their own patients too so time wasn't exactly a luxury to them either. Both yesterday and today I had no break, no time to even get a drink of water or go to the bathroom, and I stayed after 2 hours to finish everything. That equals working 10 hours running around like a mad woman whose legs are about to fall off. Plus the 2 hours of commuting (it's up in SLC). Plus waking up at 4:30 (since it was daylight savings today, I technically woke up at 3:30. 3:30!!! Who wakes up at 3:30 for work?? On a Sunday??). Yeah, shoot me.

Seriously, I get off work and I just want to crawl in a hole and die. The aides ask me questions and I have no idea what to do. I'm starting to think I should've worked harder and paid more attention in my nursing classes. And today I get yelled at by an aide cuz I asked her to bring a resident some food since I had a billion other things to do. She like freaked out and asked why I couldn't do it and that I'm part of the team and blah blah blah. WELL, if you haven't noticed, I'm NEW, and I haven't even had time to go to the bathroom once, and I haven't gotten a lunch break to eat anything when I'm starving, and I had to stay 2 hours after I was supposed to be off so I could finish everything. At least you have time for a break and to sit down once in a while! Jeez, I wanted to cry afterwards. Not like I wasn't overwhelmed enough. I even apologized to her later cuz I didn't want to be on bad terms and have someone hate me already on my 2nd week of work. Work already sucks enough without someone freaking out at me for asking them to take 5 minutes to help me out.


So no, if you wanted to know, work is not going well at all.

Don't ask me why I went into nursing, because honestly, I have no idea. I got my nurse assistant license back in high school, and I knew I didn't wanna be a nurse. But randomly one day during my freshman year in college, I decided to be a nurse. I must've been out of my mind that day, but ever since I decided to be a nurse, I had no other goal in life but to get into the nursing program at BYU. Now that I'm almost done, I can say that I honestly have not enjoyed nursing school one bit. Not for a single moment. Ok, that's an exaggeration. There might have been one or two times I thought I made the right decision. But for the most part, I disliked clinicals. I disliked working in the hospital. I disliked 12 hour shifts. I disliked following nurses around. It was just a whole lot of disliking. Period. I thought maybe it's not nursing that I disliked. Maybe it was just working in the hospital. Maybe I'd like working somewhere else. Or maybe it was having to follow nurses around and being told what to do. But I decided it's not those reasons. It is the actual job I don't like. Perhaps it's a bit premature to say so, but you'd think I'd have an idea of whether I like nursing or not having gone through millions of hours of clinicals. But then I remember that nurses don't only work in the hospital. They work in ALL different types of places and even different jobs, not just bedside nursing. It is the bedside nursing that I dislike. I could teach, I could work on the administrative side, or business side, or management, or work in a clinic, or a million other places. So maybe I made the right decision afterall and there's no need to despair.

Well, I am done complaining for the day. I think I'm gonna go lay down. My back and feet are screaming at me at the moment.